I didn't think I would see the day after 6 long months that I would not finish IMCDA. And it happened. I didn't finish. I became the person that I've hated for 29 years. I was a ball of freakin mess that morning of. Throwing up, having a panic attack or two..whatever you want to call it.
I make it to the race site after a few trips of having to return home for a timing chip once, another trip for goggles and swim cap. Stupid me. I make it there and Collin tries to get me as close as he can to the race site. Some nice guy on a 4 wheeler pulls up and give me a ride right to the tents. Bless his soul for that.
I make it there where Dr. Jane and Ali are there waiting on me to help me set up. I get my bike ready drop somethings in my bags and make my way over to the team. There I'm stuffed in my wetsuit by nancy and a few others while I'm crying saying I don't want to do this.
Ali takes my butt to the beach and I freak out. The water is choppy and we have some pretty big rollers. I never freak out in the water and today was my day. I'm on the beach and the shot goes off. I get in the water and believe it or not, I felt better. I got going and the waves kept hitting me in the face and then the motion sickness started. WTF! Can I be anymore of a handful?!?!
I just end my ironman in the water. Make it back to shore. What a loser I am. I shower, eat, and head back to watch all my teammates finish their race.
All in all a few lessons were learned on that given Sunday.
1. I need to seek medical attention for an anxiety problem that me and my family have brushed under the rug for 29 years. And xanax maybe part of the answer but not all.
2. I'm not signing up for another one until this problem is fixed. I didn't go into this race for the right reason.
3. Battle of demons. I had no enjoyment the last month or so for this race. I couldn't stand the sight of training and being around it just irritated me to no end some days.
4. For now, I will do some half ironmans.
5. I'm not going to get caught up in the moment.
6. I for sure want to do another one.
I wish I had a better story like I fell off my bike or a kayak hit me in the head an knocked me out but I don't.
