A rollercoaster...

Here I sit on Sunday evening getting ready to go back to what I used to think was a normal life. As I sit here and think about going to work tomorrow and having to answer all the questions about what happened at ironman, I'm just so not mentally ready to do it...the question is will I ever be? Probably not, but I guess I'm going to have to.

As I try and hide from everyone, yes T3, friends and co-workers, I know that I have to get back in the swing of things and just focus on my next race. I don't know what that race will be all I know is I need to figure out what the heck I'm going to be doing. I hate training just to train, I need a goal.

Hopefully tomorrow what be as bad as I think it is going to be. I'm hoping that I can just get back into the swing of things without much talk about the big day that I failed on.

Shawnda Freeman - You are NOT an Ironman

I didn't think I would see the day after 6 long months that I would not finish IMCDA. And it happened. I didn't finish. I became the person that I've hated for 29 years. I was a ball of freakin mess that morning of. Throwing up, having a panic attack or two..whatever you want to call it.

I make it to the race site after a few trips of having to return home for a timing chip once, another trip for goggles and swim cap. Stupid me. I make it there and Collin tries to get me as close as he can to the race site. Some nice guy on a 4 wheeler pulls up and give me a ride right to the tents. Bless his soul for that.

I make it there where Dr. Jane and Ali are there waiting on me to help me set up. I get my bike ready drop somethings in my bags and make my way over to the team. There I'm stuffed in my wetsuit by nancy and a few others while I'm crying saying I don't want to do this.

Ali takes my butt to the beach and I freak out. The water is choppy and we have some pretty big rollers. I never freak out in the water and today was my day. I'm on the beach and the shot goes off. I get in the water and believe it or not, I felt better. I got going and the waves kept hitting me in the face and then the motion sickness started. WTF! Can I be anymore of a handful?!?!

I just end my ironman in the water. Make it back to shore. What a loser I am. I shower, eat, and head back to watch all my teammates finish their race.

All in all a few lessons were learned on that given Sunday.
1. I need to seek medical attention for an anxiety problem that me and my family have brushed under the rug for 29 years. And xanax maybe part of the answer but not all.
2. I'm not signing up for another one until this problem is fixed. I didn't go into this race for the right reason.
3. Battle of demons. I had no enjoyment the last month or so for this race. I couldn't stand the sight of training and being around it just irritated me to no end some days.
4. For now, I will do some half ironmans.
5. I'm not going to get caught up in the moment.
6. I for sure want to do another one.

I wish I had a better story like I fell off my bike or a kayak hit me in the head an knocked me out but I don't.

Week 24 of IMCDA! RACE WEEK!

The big dance has arrived. I didn't think I would see the light of day but it has come. Believe it or not, I'm not that nervous. I've talked with alot of people and I've battled my inner demons and had a chat with them and well we've all decided that this is just a day of training that is catered every 10 miles on the bike and every mile on the run. What more could you ask for...and well racing with 60+ of my closest friends! I'm ready. Xanax and all I'm ready!

I did a run this week, I rode my bike today and I did my swim. All in all not bad. The water here in Lake CDA is awesome! I don't have to wear my stupid neoprene cap or ear plugs. WOOO HOOOO! 64 degree water is not that bad.

But the bad thing around here...RAIN and WIND! What the hell? I'm hoping to not be wet on race day. That is all I ask for at this point.

I've managed to destroy a bedroom at the house we are staying at with all my tri gear. I have to get everything arranged tomorrow and back down to Ironman City. I get to turn in everything and just sit back and wait for Sunday morning!

My best friend from San Marcos drove all the way up here with her husband and kids in tow. Our dear friends from Montana showed up for this and the best of all will be Wilma and Georgie coming in for this! If Georgie can battle cancer and survive, I can battle ironman and survive...right?!?!

All, it's late and I'm heading to bed to sleep in tomorrow and have a nice breakfast with our friends up here in beautiful CDA.

Race Week!

Ok, so I have to say I'm a bit nervous and on edge. I just want this race to be here and be over with. I say that and then I think, wait, am I prepared? Did I do enough?

This weekend was so nice. I can't tell you the last time I was able to sleep in on a Sunday morning until 7:30am and be back on the couch at 11:15am laying down taking a nap! It was the best ever. And in the middle of all that, my hubby to me to breakfast! We haven't had breakfast with each other in probably 6 months...so that was a very nice treat.

The weekend was packed full even though I didn't even train. Friday night I had to pack my tri bike transport bag. I think I unpacked it and packed it back up 3-4 times to make sure I could fit everything and had everything. Saturday, I went and watched a little kids swim meet! They are so cute. I left there and went and had my hair cut and colored(can't cross the ironman line with gray split end hair) and went to the outlet mall and bought me another new pair of Oakley's. I have a saying, I may suck it up during the race, but dang it, I want to look good doing it. Sunday, I slept in, washed my car, went to breakfast, laid mulch in the flower beds and hibernated indoors(cleaned and napped).

Here it is Monday and I have some sort of sinus drainage going on(blaming the hubby for this as he had it Saturday and Sunday and has a headache today). I'm hoping that this is all it is and it doesn't get any worse than this.

TriBike Transport Bag...PACKED

I got what I could get into the bag and everything else has to go on the plan.

Here is the finished product!

Bib Numbers for IMCDA are in -- #2103 reporting for duty!

So the day finally came where I now have my official bib number to report!

BIB NUMBER	LAST NAME	FIRST NAME	AGE	SEX	DIVISION	CITY	OCCUPATION
2103	FREEMAN	SHAWNDA	30	F	W30-34	AUSTIN	SALES

I should have been more creative with my Occupation but all I could do was think about getting through the signing up process without puking!

I was told that you should wear you last name bib number on the bike and your first name on the run because people will be able to pronounce your first name...well probably not in my case. Oh well...I'll still wear it. I'll g by anything at that moment or scream at you to get it right :)

Packing Transition Bags/Special Needs Bag

So I made a trip to Walmart! That's right, the circus of all circuses! I was trying to determine what I might/will need for transition, mile 65 on the bike, and mile 15 on the run.

I spent $90 on a bunch of crap that I probably won't use but it makes me feel better about having in my bags.

A picture to show the process....

Since my OCD on organization kicked in, I bought pill boxes, pills for tummy problems and whatever else you can imagine that could or will go wrong with me on that course! Everything is labeled and in bags just screaming pack me and ship me to IRONMAN!

Week 22 of IMCDA Training - TAPER TIME

I thought I would never see the day or week that we would begin our taper for ironman. It finally happened on June 1st and it was awesome mentally and hard physically! My body has been feeling weird and I mean by weird, that there are bricks tied to every limb when I try to run or bike.

Not much to report on a low week of working out. We only had to put in 10 hours of working out and it was great!

Monday: massage
Tuesday: swim
Wednesday: swim
Thursday: spin
Friday: day off
Saturday: 50 mile bike ride
Sunday: 10 mile run

Swim Practice Surprise

I went to my normal Wednesday swim practice and did my workout and got out. As I'm standing on deck I look over at the "fast as hell" lane and a guy stands up with Olympic rings tattooed on his shoulder...Brendan Hansen(swam on relay with Michael Phelps)was there swimming. All I could do was stare at him when he swam. It was amazing to watch someone like him just glide through the water with such power and ease at the same time.

Week 21 of IMCDA training

Well another week down and only 3 more to go! That's right, 3 weeks and we are crossing that finish line, and I can't wait.

Not much to report other than it was a long week. I came off a hard weekend and my body was telling me rest and I was pushing onward like an insane triathlete does.

I ended up taking all of Tuesday off because I raced on Monday. I went and had dinner with Jane(our very on little mental doctor on the team). I have to say she eased alot of nerves for me.

Wednesday night I did track practice and Gilbert made me do core instead as he said I needed more recovery time. Bernard and I wanted to go have beer but that was shut down by Gilbert. Oh yeah, I swam at lunch...should have rested.

Thursday, Alisa and I did a nice easy ride on S. Mopac and I have to say it was super nice.

Friday was my day off.

Saturday, worst ride of my life. I had race wheels on and was going turtle speed on that bike. My legs were so trashed that no matter how hard I tried, they didn't want to go up another hill or push down another hill. I'm about 2 miles from my car and blow a tire. I fix it and go to put my rear will back on and break my back brakes. So I have to call Collin to come and get me. $100 later, we have new back breaks, new chain, new cassette to tackle those hard hills and a nice tune up for CDA.

Sunday I had to do a 12 mile run with David. David is a fast runner and stayed with me for the first 6 miles and I made him go run is fast pace. I trotted along and met back up and we finished it out. About the last mile or so I pushed him to go on without me and Dionn came to my rescue. She kicked my butt into gear and pushed me to run hard. I was about to puke, but didn't, and finished strong with her!

We had our final IMCDA meeting and man did I about cry. It was tough to watch the video and not cry. Emotions are high right now and nerves are thin for me. I walked away scared and somewhat sure I am going to finish this race. Today, I'M FINISHING IRONMAN!