A rollercoaster...

Here I sit on Sunday evening getting ready to go back to what I used to think was a normal life. As I sit here and think about going to work tomorrow and having to answer all the questions about what happened at ironman, I'm just so not mentally ready to do it...the question is will I ever be? Probably not, but I guess I'm going to have to.

As I try and hide from everyone, yes T3, friends and co-workers, I know that I have to get back in the swing of things and just focus on my next race. I don't know what that race will be all I know is I need to figure out what the heck I'm going to be doing. I hate training just to train, I need a goal.

Hopefully tomorrow what be as bad as I think it is going to be. I'm hoping that I can just get back into the swing of things without much talk about the big day that I failed on.

Shawnda Freeman - You are NOT an Ironman

I didn't think I would see the day after 6 long months that I would not finish IMCDA. And it happened. I didn't finish. I became the person that I've hated for 29 years. I was a ball of freakin mess that morning of. Throwing up, having a panic attack or two..whatever you want to call it.

I make it to the race site after a few trips of having to return home for a timing chip once, another trip for goggles and swim cap. Stupid me. I make it there and Collin tries to get me as close as he can to the race site. Some nice guy on a 4 wheeler pulls up and give me a ride right to the tents. Bless his soul for that.

I make it there where Dr. Jane and Ali are there waiting on me to help me set up. I get my bike ready drop somethings in my bags and make my way over to the team. There I'm stuffed in my wetsuit by nancy and a few others while I'm crying saying I don't want to do this.

Ali takes my butt to the beach and I freak out. The water is choppy and we have some pretty big rollers. I never freak out in the water and today was my day. I'm on the beach and the shot goes off. I get in the water and believe it or not, I felt better. I got going and the waves kept hitting me in the face and then the motion sickness started. WTF! Can I be anymore of a handful?!?!

I just end my ironman in the water. Make it back to shore. What a loser I am. I shower, eat, and head back to watch all my teammates finish their race.

All in all a few lessons were learned on that given Sunday.
1. I need to seek medical attention for an anxiety problem that me and my family have brushed under the rug for 29 years. And xanax maybe part of the answer but not all.
2. I'm not signing up for another one until this problem is fixed. I didn't go into this race for the right reason.
3. Battle of demons. I had no enjoyment the last month or so for this race. I couldn't stand the sight of training and being around it just irritated me to no end some days.
4. For now, I will do some half ironmans.
5. I'm not going to get caught up in the moment.
6. I for sure want to do another one.

I wish I had a better story like I fell off my bike or a kayak hit me in the head an knocked me out but I don't.

Week 24 of IMCDA! RACE WEEK!

The big dance has arrived. I didn't think I would see the light of day but it has come. Believe it or not, I'm not that nervous. I've talked with alot of people and I've battled my inner demons and had a chat with them and well we've all decided that this is just a day of training that is catered every 10 miles on the bike and every mile on the run. What more could you ask for...and well racing with 60+ of my closest friends! I'm ready. Xanax and all I'm ready!

I did a run this week, I rode my bike today and I did my swim. All in all not bad. The water here in Lake CDA is awesome! I don't have to wear my stupid neoprene cap or ear plugs. WOOO HOOOO! 64 degree water is not that bad.

But the bad thing around here...RAIN and WIND! What the hell? I'm hoping to not be wet on race day. That is all I ask for at this point.

I've managed to destroy a bedroom at the house we are staying at with all my tri gear. I have to get everything arranged tomorrow and back down to Ironman City. I get to turn in everything and just sit back and wait for Sunday morning!

My best friend from San Marcos drove all the way up here with her husband and kids in tow. Our dear friends from Montana showed up for this and the best of all will be Wilma and Georgie coming in for this! If Georgie can battle cancer and survive, I can battle ironman and survive...right?!?!

All, it's late and I'm heading to bed to sleep in tomorrow and have a nice breakfast with our friends up here in beautiful CDA.

Race Week!

Ok, so I have to say I'm a bit nervous and on edge. I just want this race to be here and be over with. I say that and then I think, wait, am I prepared? Did I do enough?

This weekend was so nice. I can't tell you the last time I was able to sleep in on a Sunday morning until 7:30am and be back on the couch at 11:15am laying down taking a nap! It was the best ever. And in the middle of all that, my hubby to me to breakfast! We haven't had breakfast with each other in probably 6 months...so that was a very nice treat.

The weekend was packed full even though I didn't even train. Friday night I had to pack my tri bike transport bag. I think I unpacked it and packed it back up 3-4 times to make sure I could fit everything and had everything. Saturday, I went and watched a little kids swim meet! They are so cute. I left there and went and had my hair cut and colored(can't cross the ironman line with gray split end hair) and went to the outlet mall and bought me another new pair of Oakley's. I have a saying, I may suck it up during the race, but dang it, I want to look good doing it. Sunday, I slept in, washed my car, went to breakfast, laid mulch in the flower beds and hibernated indoors(cleaned and napped).

Here it is Monday and I have some sort of sinus drainage going on(blaming the hubby for this as he had it Saturday and Sunday and has a headache today). I'm hoping that this is all it is and it doesn't get any worse than this.

TriBike Transport Bag...PACKED

I got what I could get into the bag and everything else has to go on the plan.

Here is the finished product!

Bib Numbers for IMCDA are in -- #2103 reporting for duty!

So the day finally came where I now have my official bib number to report!

BIB NUMBER	LAST NAME	FIRST NAME	AGE	SEX	DIVISION	CITY	OCCUPATION
2103	FREEMAN	SHAWNDA	30	F	W30-34	AUSTIN	SALES

I should have been more creative with my Occupation but all I could do was think about getting through the signing up process without puking!

I was told that you should wear you last name bib number on the bike and your first name on the run because people will be able to pronounce your first name...well probably not in my case. Oh well...I'll still wear it. I'll g by anything at that moment or scream at you to get it right :)

Packing Transition Bags/Special Needs Bag

So I made a trip to Walmart! That's right, the circus of all circuses! I was trying to determine what I might/will need for transition, mile 65 on the bike, and mile 15 on the run.

I spent $90 on a bunch of crap that I probably won't use but it makes me feel better about having in my bags.

A picture to show the process....

Since my OCD on organization kicked in, I bought pill boxes, pills for tummy problems and whatever else you can imagine that could or will go wrong with me on that course! Everything is labeled and in bags just screaming pack me and ship me to IRONMAN!